weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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