I wish I could punch you in the face.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
