Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
