Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
