i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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