I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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