Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
COCAINE IS GR8
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
