I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
