and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
