I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
