you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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