i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
