She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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