I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
