the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
