I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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