Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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