I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Randomize
