My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
