I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
