Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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