there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
