btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
