Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
