Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
