dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
