there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
