and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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