If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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