I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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