Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
