Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
