my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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