he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
