well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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