It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't deserve a penis
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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