making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize