Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
