are you still at the devil's house?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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