Porn is love you can see.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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