So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize