i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
