the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
