we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
