Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
