Banned from zoo.
Again?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
