I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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