woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
