How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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