Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
