at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
