I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
