So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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