hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
