Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize