If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
