I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Boobs are out for the taking
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
