and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
