But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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