wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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