1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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