Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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