You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
