i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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