He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
