nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
