Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
