Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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