so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
