are you still at the devil's house?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love how my cats smell like pot.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize