After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
